We were each given ten minutes to present our ideas about sexuality, then the conversation was open for students to ask virtually anything on their minds regarding sex and relationships during a time of “Q and A.”

Right off the bat, questions were directed at me about abortion:

• Should it be legal?
• Are there exceptions when a woman’s health is at stake?
• What if a pregnant woman is too poor to provide for a child?

Some of our country’s brightest minds continued posing questions:

• What if I’m a Christian but don’t want to wait until my boyfriend and I tie the knot in five years before having sex?
• Is it healthy to be involved emotionally and sexually with multiple people at once?
• When will my girlfriend and I know we’re ready to have sex?
• Is homosexuality wrong?

The primary difference between my responses and that of my fellow panelists is that they advocated a relativistic approach to sex and relationships—“If it makes you happy, do it.” I, on the other hand, poured out my soul trying to convey God’s bigger purpose for sex and asserted that there should be more than self at the center of our sex-related decisions (I’m trusting you put those two italicized words together and added “ed”).

At-Home Application

Does your son or daughter esteem the Bible as the standard of truth for everyday living or dismiss it as a mere historical collection of man’s out dated opinions? Does he or she believe that the Bible, every single passage of Scripture, is inspired by God—I mean really believe that?

Have you ever asked?

Let’s not assume that our child’s active church involvement equates to heartfelt belief in the inherency of the Bible! We can posses knowledge without buying into it.

I shared this same scripture with the Rice University students:
2 Timothy 3:16: “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness,”

We live in a day and time in which relativism rules, and the masses insist: “What’s right for you is right for you, but don’t push your ‘right’ on me!” Knowing this, if and until our kids cling to the Holy Word of God as a trustworthy anchor for their character, morality and life decisions, they are sure to be “tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive” (Ephesians 4:14).

Let’s ask our kids what they believe about the Bible and assure them, they need not cover up their sincere beliefs on our account. If they say they do esteem the Bible as God-inspired, let’s ask them to share three reasons why—not to test their sincerity but to motivate them to give critical thought to what they say they believe. Trust me, if we don’t ask tough questions of them now, someone else will in the not so distant future!

If our kids admit that they do, in fact, question the reliability of the Bible, don’t panic. That just means we need to do a better job providing practical explanations about the truth claims of the Bible.

If we’re the ones unsure about the validity of the Scriptures, now is the time to seek to reconcile our doubts—to pursue answers to our questions as opposed to writing them off as unimportant.

Please keep in mind, a reverence for the Bible is only relevant when combined with a passionate love-walk with Christ.

Parents, we don’t have to become renowned Bible scholars; we just need to know why we put confidence in the Scriptures and pass on that hope and belief to our kids.

Helpful Resources

There are numerous resources and websites dedicated to answering straight-forward questions about the Bible’s credibility.

For teens, take a look at Evidence That Demands a Verdict, Answers In Genesis, Apologetics for a New Generation, and the Case For Christ Study Bible.

For younger children, check out Case for Faith for Kids, Fact or Fantasy, The Awesome Book of Bible Answers for Kids, and Answers In Genesis.

• 90% of 8 to 16-year-olds admit to having viewed pornography online.
• One out of two Christian men and one out of five Christian women admit to being addicted to pornography.
• A study of multiple college universities’ online activity revealed that 73% of all movie searches are for pornographic material.

Should we be concerned? Absolutely!  Why, you ask? Because, among numerous destructive repercussions, viewing pornography causes brain damage. Literally. Consider the following:

1. Just like hardcore drugs, pornography becomes addictive on a neurological level.

When we look at pornography, our body is flooded with an excessive amount of dopamine, a neurotransmitter that activates the pleasure center of the brain. This creates euphoric feelings and a natural “high” of sorts. However, when the pornographic stimulus is removed, dopamine levels crash and drop below normal, leaving a person feeling depressed. Keep in mind, crack and other hardcore drugs affect the brain this same way. The end result is a neurological craving to look at porn again, only this time dopamine levels will not produce the same level of euphoria; that is unless we take in even trashier imagery, which brings us to our next point . . .

2. Pornography leads to increasing depravity.

Consider these staggering findings:

• One in four image searches made by college students is for child pornography.
• 85% of those charged with possession of child pornography are also found guilty of abusing a child.

We read statistics like these and wonder, how does a person become so depraved? The answer is that pornography leads to increasing depravity on a neurological level.  Viewing porn causes a depletion of dopamine, and, as previously stated, this causes a person to feel down and depressed. Looking repeatedly at the same pornographic images only causes dopamine levels to rise slightly, if at all. If a person is going to experience a neurological “high,” he or she must continually view increasingly vulgar imagery, thus leading a formerly healthy individual to seek out all kinds of depraved and even criminal sexual stimuli.

3. Pornography damages the reasoning center of the brain.

In a brain scan, it’s difficult to tell the difference between a person who has experienced physical trauma to the front of the brain—in a car accident, for example—and a person who is addicted to porn. That’s because over stimulating the pleasure center of the brain causes the frontal lobe to atrophy and shrink. The frontal lobe is where we reason, make judgments and regulate emotion. When damaged, a person becomes impulsive (acts without thinking), compulsive (must have object of desire at all costs), and experiences drastic mood swings and impaired judgment. In light of this information, it’s easy to see why so many marriages end as a result of porn addictions.

Recovery is possible. However, the path to healing is usually difficult and the withdrawal symptoms can be on par with someone recovering from hardcore drug use.

We’ve Got to Do Something About This!

Pornography is a cancer on our society, a growing tumor that destroys families. If, like me, you can’t stand the idea of sitting back and doing nothing about this epidemic, here are some proactive ways to make a difference:

First, be honest and get real about what’s going on with you and your spouse (if married). If one or both of you have an addiction to pornography, the key to kicking it is admitting it, repenting for it and getting help from a biblically-sound support group and/or counselor. Click here to watch a helpful video along those lines. Click here to take a look at a recommended book.

Second, talk to your kids about the dangers of pornography—and by kids, I mean teens and elementary-age children! The average age of first exposure to pornography is nine years old. Beginning the Path to Purity aids parents in discussions with younger children.

Third, the Parent Purity Project DVD study is under production and will be available soon. There’s an entire one-hour teaching devoted to the topic of pornography and the media. The four-part series is designed for groups of parents to view the presentations together and discuss the topic, then have effective parent-child conversations at home. This is an awesome way to rapidly spread the word about the dangers of pornography. (The series also includes presentations on sex and premarital abstinence, dating and homosexaulity.) Stay tuned—when the Parent Purity Project is available, I’ll let you know!

 Prayer:

Father, You did not design our minds to take in pornographic images. Please help me to explain this to my child and cultivate convictions about guarding his or her eyes and ears from sexually stimulating media. Help (my spouse and) me to walk upright before You and resist the entrapment of pornography. (If repentance and rehabilitation is necessary) Forgive me/us for dishonoring You and give me/us the courage to get help and submit to accountability. In Jesus’ name I pray, amen.

 Do you have feedback or questions? Enter comments below.

Then one of the twelve, whose name was Judas Iscariot, went to the chief priests and said, “What will you give me if I deliver him [Jesus] over to you?” And they paid him thirty pieces of silver. And from that moment he sought an opportunity to betray him.
Matthew 26:14-16

I’d like to draw your attention to what Judas said, particularly the first part of what he said:

“What will you give me . . . ?”

The fallen, sinful nature of mankind compels us to continually ask, “What’s in it for me?” That’s what Judas wanted to know. He was one of Jesus’ closest companions, and for just thirty pieces of silver, he betrayed Jesus to the men who wanted him dead.

Throughout the entire life of Christ, we never hear Jesus asking, “What’s in it for me?” Even as He hung on the cross His concern was for those who nailed Him there: “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do,” (Luke 23:43).

Purity Connection

As we seek to explain to our kids the numerous solid reasons why they should turn away from premarital sexual activity and destructive sexual behavior, let us not overlook a simple, foundational truth—we’re called to love like Jesus, not Judas.

Think about it. All sexual sin is rooted in a “What will you give me?” self-centered attitude. The person looking at pornography has no concern for those being sexually exploited; he or she is entirely preoccupied with self gratification.  Sexually active teenagers choose to ignore the myriad of ways their actions stand to wound many people besides themselves—their partners, their parents, their future spouse, to name a few. And anyone who engages in baby-making behavior outside of a baby-ready marital commitment is displaying a Judas-kind of heart—“I’m willing to put an innocent life at risk later to get what I want right now.”

Please don’t think I’m saying marriage is the solution for a Judas heart. A “What’s in it for me?” attitude destroys a marriage, destroys lives! The solution to mankind’s self-centered, narcissistic nature is repentance and a relationship with Jesus Christ. Only then can we be empowered by the Holy Spirit to love as Jesus loved.

. . . God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.  Romans 5:5

Take Action at Home

First parents, let’s pay attention to how we are relating to our spouse (and others). Are we operating out of a “What will you give me?” heart or a “How can I be a blessing to you?” state of mind?  Since our kids are prone to do what we do  as opposed to merely what we say, modeling a Christ-like love walk sets a healthy precedence in their lives.

Next, consider using Valentine’s Day—the time when so many are professing their love for another—to discuss the vast differences between a humanistic, “What’s in it for me?” kind of love as opposed to Christ’s love which esteems others’ well being over self-gratification. Explain how all sin—particularly sexual sin—comes from a self-seeking, Judas-kind of heart. Using the description of love found in First Corinthians 13, talk about how people can say I love you yet have a completely self-centered understanding of love.

Just as Judas betrayed Jesus with a kiss, so do the masses who profess their love while gratifying themselves at another’s expense.

Prayer

Father, forgive me for the times I’ve had a Judas heart and approached relationships with a “What’s in it for me?” attitude. Please help me (and my spouse) to love with the love of Christ—a love that is willing to sacrifice for those around me. I also ask that you help me to communicate to my child the true definition and attributes of love as You define them in Your Word and through Christ’s example. I pray that my son/daughter will love like Jesus, not Judas, and will abstain from sexual sin out of a sincere love for You and others. In Jesus’ name I pray, amen.

How have you gone about explaining the difference between lust and love to your kids? Use the comment form below to share thoughts, questions and ideas . . .

The beautiful Graves family

My friends Jayson and Susan Graves have a magnificent home in Colorado Springs, two adorable little girls, and an unbelievable testimony. They recently invited me to be a guest in their home while I attended a ministry function in Colorado, and I seized that opportunity to interview Jayson. He began telling me his life story—how he developed same-sex attractions as a young boy, what factors propelled him as a teen toward illicit sexual behaviors, and how Christ ultimately changed his life so that he is now a loving husband, doting father and effective sex addiction recovery therapist. Based on research as well as Jayson’s personal experiences and expertise in the field of sexual addictions, I’d like to share some parenting tips to help us steer clear of common parenting mistakes that can pave the way for kids to develop same sex attractions and unhealthy patterns of relating sexually.

MISTAKE #1 – Overbearing Mother: Overbearing, “I wear the pants in the family” attitudes in mothers can affect their sons’ development of same sex attraction. According to Jayson, the way he received his mother’s controlling, domineering parenting style led him to avoid emotional intimacy with females. Subconsciously fearing they too would seek to control him, he would not allow himself to develop “more than friends” feelings for girls.

MISTAKE #2 – Gender Disappointment: Both boys and girls are prone to developing sexual confusion, which can lead to same sex attractions if they sense that their parents longed for a child of the opposite sex and their sex is therefore somehow perceived as a disappointment.

MISTAKE #3 – Men Aren’t Supposed to Be Emotional: We know girls tend to be highly emotional, but some boys are more sensitive than others and have a heightened need for emotional expression and bonding. When this need goes unmet at home—perhaps due to a “strong,” silent, unaffectionate or absentee father figure—pornography can become a highly addictive counterfeit substitute for intimacy. Simply stated, sensitive children (and adults) whose emotional needs are not met are more likely to develop sexual addictions.

MISTAKE #4 – Teasing Won’t Hurt: Do not underestimate the serious damage done by peer hostility and teasing or bullying. Boys who go through puberty later than their classmates or have a small body frame may be perceived as effeminate and can be vulnerable to being called names like faggot, gay or a fairy. Girls with a more masculine, tomboy-like appearance may be called hurtful names as well. These insults often take root in a young person’s mind and cause him or her to conclude that he or she “is gay.” If our kids are being insulted at school, we need to intervene. Ask your child how he or she is being treated by classmates and contact his or her teachers or administrators if necessary.

MISTAKE #5 – Pornography is Innocent Fun: The lust that pornography provokes is the entryway to countless sexual addictions and destructive behaviors. For parents who consider looking at porn an acceptable life stage in a young person’s life, think again! Among the many consequences of exposure to pornography, it has serious negative effects on the brain and can create lust-based conditioning (a la Pavlov’s Dogs) and even fetishes that lead to dangerous, unhealthy lifestyles and harmful sexual patterns. Some dads consider it a rite of passage to introduce their sons to pornography when in reality, it is one of the most unmanly, unloving, selfish and unwise things a father can do.

MISTAKE #6 – Just Stop Looking! It is often the case that once a young person is looking at pornography habitually, he or she cannot simply stop just because we confront and encourage a change in behavior. Since viewing pornography causes chemical reactions and powerful conditioning in the brain, adequate therapy and recovery group support may be needed in order to overcome the addiction, according to research.

MISTAKE #7 – Spiritual and Emotional Parent-Child Disconnect:  Young people instinctively hide illicit behaviors from their parents, especially when the parent-child relationship is distant or based purely on surface-level discussions. We must have ongoing, meaningful spiritual conversations with our kids, model honesty and openness, and admit and repent for our own shortcomings. This transparency assures them that there is nothing they could say or do to cause us not to love them. Ask your child if he or she is having any sex-related struggles and assure him or her that it’s okay to confide in you. Don’t be afraid: it could literally save your child’s life!

Helpful Resources

For a thorough explanation of how we as parents can help safeguard our kids against developing homosexual tendencies, I strongly recommend Don Schmierer’s book An Ounce of Prevention: Preventing the Homosexual Condition in Today’s Youth.

Click here for more information about telephone counseling and group through Jayson Graves’ practice, Healing for the Soul.

For online help and resources regarding how to get victory over pornography addictions, visit BeBroken Ministries.

Okay parents, I have a holiday challenge for you. (Don’t worry; it does not involve dieting.)  Since the Christmas season entails spending more time than usual with our kids and is also an ideal time of year for storytelling, I’d like to encourage you to tell your kids your story. Allow me to explain.

As you discuss Jesus’ miracle birth and the monumental impact His arrival had on all of humanity, don’t stop with the account of theThree Wise Men or even Christ’s death on the cross. End the story with your testimony.  How did you come to know the Lord? When and under what circumstances did you surrender your heart to Christ? How does your relationship with Christ impact you daily?

If we want our kids to see Jesus as more than a painted figurine in a dusty manger set, we need to tell our own testimony and convey heartfelt passion, conviction and gratitude for the reality of Christ’s activity in our lives. Trust me—this will surpass any sermon your child has or will ever hear!

Part Two of This Awesome Challenge

You knew I was going to throw in a purity-related element, so here goes. Do you have teenagers?  Do they know your testimony as it relates to sexual purity?

As parents, we often go to great lengths to hide our stories of brokenness from our kids because we somehow fear they will lose respect for us if they find out how we failed in the past.  In reality, our kids don’t respect us out of a belief that we are perfect—trust me, they learned better than that a long time ago! Our kids respect us when they see us living an authentic life of honesty and humility.

With this in mind, it can serve as great encouragement for our teenagers when we share with them the struggles we faced as young people and how our decisions to obey or rebel against God affected our lives.

Dad, did you struggle with pornography as a young man? How did that affect you? Did you have sex before you were married and now wish you had waited?  Did you have an over-sexualized view of women that ultimately made marriage difficult for you?  Perhaps your father instilled in you a respect for women that has benefited you greatly.  Consider having a man-to-man talk with your son and sharing from your heart along those lines. Encourage him that he can come to you with his sex-related questions and struggles.

Mom, did you look for love in the wrong places when you were young? Did you learn a lesson about sex the hard way?  What traps did you fall into that you desperately want your daughter to avoid? How can you better prepare her to meet and marry a godly man by sharing with her your mistakes and successes?  Carve out time during the Christmas break to have a heart-to-heart talk with your daughter. Let her know that she can safely confide in you about boys and sex-related issues and that you will not belittle her feelings.

Are YOU Up for the Challenge?

I couldn’t possibly ask you to take me up on this challenge if I was not willing to participate myself. My teenage son and daughter have already heard the story of my sexual brokenness, and they often cite my testimony as one of the reasons they want to follow God’s plan for sex and marriage. Also, my husband and I plan to once again share our testimonies this Christmas break of how we came to know Christ because it has been a while since we last discussed this with our kids.

So what do you think? Are you up for the challenge?  I sure hope so!  Please scroll down and write comments, ask advice, or encourage other mothers and fathers as they embrace this opportunity.  I know I, along with other parents, would love to know that you plan to follow through on this challenge and would also appreciate hearing feedback as to how it went after you shared with your child or teen.

By God’s grace, you can do this!

Prayer:

“Father, I know that You have commanded me to testify of your goodness and salvation to my children. I acknowledge that You consider my kids to be my top spiritual priority, and there is nothing on earth in which I will be given stewardship that will compare with my role as a parent. Please help me to inspire my children with the story of how You reached out to me, forgave me, and saved me.  Please also give me the right words to encourage my children to pursue sexual purity by sharing my past failures and successes. Lead me so that I say the right thing at the right time for Your glory. In Jesus’ matchless name I pray; amen!

Thirty years ago it was socially frowned upon for a girl to ask a guy out on a date. It was also nearly always the boys putting pressure on the girls to “go all the way.” My, how times have changed! Many young girls today are frantically on the prowl. Once they set their sights on an attractive young man, they move in aggressively, attempting to take charge of the relationship and pouncing on him with sexual advances and pressures.

These days, it’s not uncommon for girls to bombard boys with revealing electronic pictures of themselves. It is equally prevalent for certian girls to put pressure—or even beg— for a boy to be her boyfriend. Furthermore, a national study reveals that nearly one-third of 15 to 17-year-olds, especially boys, said they had experienced pressure to have sex.(1)

So Why the drastic change in females? Simply stated . . .
ONE: The media overwhelmingly encourages today’s teen girls to be seductive, boy crazy and aggressive.

A recent study concluded that 75% of girls ages 15 to 19 agree that society tells girls that attracting boys and acting sexy are some of the most important things girls can do. (2)

TWO: as a result of widespread divorce and dysfunctional family relationships, girls are desperately trying to find love and, although misguided, are initiating overly-intimate, sexual relationships with boys.

Our sons need to know . . .

We must assure our sons that it is not unmanly to turn down a girl’s sexual advances. She isn’t actually after sex, anyway; she’s just using sex to try and feel loved, but in having sex, she will only become more frantic and empty.

A girl who is desperate for a guy’s attention and affection is not healthy, so the best thing to do is be kind but keep a good distance from her. Also, it is not our “Christian duty” to enter into dating relationships to try and help or heal someone. There’s no reason for our sons to feel guilty about telling a girl no.

Our daughters need to know . . .

Those of us with daughters must constantly tell them (and show them) how much we love, adore and accept them. She needs to hear that frequently from Mom and Dad. If one parent is not in the picture or is reluctant to affirm her, go to the Lord in fervent prayer and ask Him to send another loving, Christ-filled adult into her life. (In high school, my best friend’s dad was like a father to me when my biological father was out of the picture.) Also, ask God to reveal His love to her so that she will ultimately look to Christ to satisfy her soul.

Our girls need to know that in giving away their bodies to guys, they will never receive the love they are looking for. As a matter of fact, they will only be taken for granted and hurt.

The Bigger Picture

What is most needed is for our children to know the Lord and live with an awareness of His love and presence. From there, our kids need a biblical worldview of sex and relationships. Click here for helpful resources along those lines.

Prayer for our sons
Father, please help my son to recognize that girls who are coming on strong are doing so because they are hurting. Give him the grace to resist seduction and maintain good boundaries with girls. Help him understand Your glorious purpose for sex and relationships and follow that plan. Empower me, as a parent, to inspire sexual purity in him. In Jesus’ name, amen.

Prayer for our daughters
Father, please reveal to my daughter how much You love her and how invaluable she is. Protect her from this generation’s obsession with seduction and sexual deviance, and help her understand and embrace modesty. Help me, as her parent, to teach her the wisdom in Your Word regarding sexual purity and virtue. In Jesus’ name, amen.

1. Papalia, Wendkos Olds, and Duskin Feldman, A Child’s Developing World, Infancy Through Adolescence, 11th ed. (New York: McGraw-Hill Higher Education, 2008), 476.
2. Bill Albert, Wit h One Voice: America’s Adults and Teen Sound Off About Teen Pregnancy (Washington DC: National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy, 2004).

Do you see why I'm having a hard time blogging? This little guy is impossible to resist!

Several people have asked me why my blogs have recently slowed down so dramatically.  The answer is that my baby boy is now crawling all over the house, teething, and requiring more of my attention than ever!  I also have a soon-to-be eight-year-old, a 13-year-old, and a 16-year-old, and they need my undivided attention each day as well.

As I prayerfully aim to live each day with my priorities intact – family first - I simply cannot spend as much time blogging during this season of my life as I would like.

That said, I have a monthly e-newsletter for parents that I send out on the first of every month, and it includes purity-related tips for parents, ministry updates, helpful links, and opportunities to respond to specific questions to which I am seeking feedback.  If you would like to receive that e-newsletter, simply send a request to laura@lauragallier.com.

Also, if you have yet to hear about my in-home Parent Purity Project workshops, click here!  A grassroots, parent-led purity movement is underway in my community, and I feel blessed beyond measure to “ride the wave” that the Lord is clearly creating.  Moms and Dads are stepping up to the plate in an astounding way to do their part to help “equip parents to take the lead in abstinence education.”

Thank you to all who subscribe to my blogs!  Your support encourages me.  I hope to be back to more consistent blogging in the not-so-distant future.  I’m not at a loss for words, topics, or opinions – just running a little lean on time!

God bless,

Laura

Brian and Erin Wood's baby is due November 5, 2010

Last Friday, a former Houstonian, 33-year-old Brian Wood, and his 31-year-old pregnant wife Erin were on their way to a family member’s house in Whidbey Island in Washington State.  An oncoming SUV suddenly crossed into their lane, leaving Brian just seconds to decide how to maneuver his vehicle.  Realizing that a head-on collision would likely seriously injure or kill his wife and unborn baby, Brian selflessly turned the steering wheel so that he took the brunt of the impact.  As a result of his heroic decision, his wife suffered only minor injuries, and his baby is fine.  Tragically however, Brian did not survive the crash (click here for the full story).

Brian Wood loved the Lord and is most certainly at peace in heaven with Jesus, yet the obvious magnitude of this loss is devastating for those he leaves behind.  In the midst of indescribable grief, Erin remarked, “(the baby is due) November 5, so it will come quick, and then I look forward to seeing little glimpses of Brian in our baby, and that gives me a lot of strength right now.”

Brian’s child will someday discover what a loving, brave father he or she had.  Nonetheless, Brian will never have the opportunity to embrace or speak to his child in this life.

Parents, let this tragic situation remind us that each day with our children is a gift.   Furthermore, while we may tend to put off conversations about faith, Biblical principles, and important life lessons, think how much it would mean to Brian if he could have just one of those discussions with his child.  Think how much it would mean to his child someday to glean even a few words of wisdom from Dad.

Inspiration for Parents

I think nearly all of us, as parents, would die for our kids.  I also think the daily demands of life have a way of engulfing our good intentions, causing us to miss opportunities to spend quality time with our kids and invest in their spiritual maturity.  We erroneously comfort ourselves by saying, “I’ll have that talk with my son soon,” “We’ll start having family nights next semester,” or “I’ll pray regularly with my kids when things slow down a bit.”

If procrastination or apathy is somehow plaguing us as parents, and we are putting off things until tomorrow that need to be addressed or expressed today, let us think of Brian and, by God’s grace, determine to take action.  As we do this, we help bring some good out of Brian’s passing.

One third of U.S. teen boys report feeling addicted to video games.

While pornography addictions remain at the top of the list for driving a relational wedge between husbands and wives, there’s a relatively new addiction that is now dealing a deathblow to marriages.  Believe it or not, masses of couples are discovering that video game addictions can destroy the intimacy and teamwork vital for maintaining a healthy, fulfilling marriage.

I have handed Kleenex tissues to one lady after another while she describes how her husband spends hours a day playing video games, not only leaving her with almost all of the responsibility of tending to the kids but also creating intense loneliness and dissatisfaction within the relationship.

Why Do Some Men Like Video Games So Much?

The majority of men thrive on competition because it provides an opportunity to overcome and win, thus affirming their manhood and personal sense of self worth.  That said, video games are the ideal outlet to compete.  They often entail heroic scenarios, allowing a man to win a bloody war, defeat a wicked enemy, or save the planet from seemingly immanent destruction.  They are also entertaining and fun.  For this reason, many men prefer to escape the stresses and demands of everyday life by playing an exciting video game.  And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that – unless, of course, a man’s video gaming becomes so frequent and excessive that he begins to neglect his family and household responsibilities.

What Can Parents Do?

Parents, lets teach our sons how to have balance when it comes to video games.  For example, make sure he always does his chores before playing video games, thus later in life he will have the self discipline to take care of his family responsibilities before plopping down on the couch to play games.  Also, limit the amount of time he plays every day.  Encourage him to recreate outside or pursue other interests.  He needs to know that too much of anything – especially video games – is not healthy.  Finally, as our sons become teens, let’s talk frankly about how out of balance video gaming can become a source of pain for his wife someday and seriously take its toll on his marriage and family.

What About You, Dad?

Dad, are you modeling the proper balance for your son?  Lead by example when it comes to video gaming, not only in how much time you spend playing but also in the games you choose to play.  Killing innocent civilians, abusing women, and committing criminal acts of destruction are not okay simply because they take place in a game. (Link to information about how violent video games affect kids)

Closing Prayer

Father, please help my household to honor You with our entertainment decisions, especially as it pertains to video games.  Show my family how to have balance, and reveal it to us if gaming is somehow taking its toll on us.  Give us the grace we need to change as You see fit and the obedience to follow through with Your instructions.  In Jesus’ name, amen.