Madison (12), Colton (15), and Avery (7) with baby Levi

Levi James Gallier was born on Friday, February 19.  He’s adorable!  I am thoroughly enjoying this time with my new baby.   I look forward to getting back to blogging and procuring speaking engagements in the near future.  For now, I am taking in every moment with my little one.  What a gift from God!

I recently made a trip to a local high school to visit with some female students. It was only second period and they already looked exhausted, but who could blame them?  This group of fifteen and sixteen-year-olds were shouldering a tremendous responsibility. They had all recently given birth to babies. I was invited as a guest to their parenting class, and, after forming a circle with our chairs, we began talking about issues surrounding dating, sex, and motherhood.

The young moms had a lot to say. For starters, they couldn’t understand why the media makes sexual activity seem so glamorous and fulfilling. In their experience, sex was more like an obligation than a thrill. They were also dealing with the reality that, even though it “took two to tango,” they received little or no help at all from the fathers of their babies.

You would think these negative experiences would motivate the girls to seek higher standards regarding sex and dating. Surprisingly, there was an obvious sense of hopelessness hovering in the room as they expressed their belief that this was simply the plight of young people today. After all, they were expected to have premarital sex.

Where would they get such a preposterous idea?

The answer is all around us. The media, in all of its of attractive, loud, and ever-present forms, is continually seducing the next generation into believing the lie that premarital sex is inevitable, even commendable. As parents, however, we tend to think that our kids know better than to believe the perverted messages permeating mainstream music or be influenced by the trendiness of casual sex celebrated in most of today’s popular sitcoms. After all, our kids have been raised in Sunday school and know what the Bible says about sex and marriage.

But what about us, parents?  Are we upholding Biblical standards of purity? More to the point, are we expecting our kids to adhere to Biblical standards regarding sex while we ignore Biblical principles as it pertains to our household media choices?

While there are multiple things we can do to inspire our kids to pursue God’s plan for sexual purity, taking a stand against perverse, sexually course media is essential. No matter what youth purity programs our kids attend or how much we discuss godly principles with them at home concerning sex, if we have weak standards regarding our media choices, we will seriously undermine the message of purity in our kids’ lives.

Family Guy, Desperate Housewives, Two and a Half Men, Modern Family—are these kinds of TV programs welcome in your home? (Yes, I went there!)  If so, from one believer in Christ to another, may I lovingly warn you that you are sabotaging your child’s view of sex. Furthermore, we are deceiving ourselves if we think that our kids are not affected by what they see on TV. Even if they don’t watch these programs with us, the fact that we view them sends a clear message that Scriptures like Ephesians 5:3 are mere suggestions as opposed to commandments worthy of life application—“But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality . . .”

It’s one thing to forbid our kids access to certain songs, movies, and TV programs; it’s another thing to disciple our kids in the truth so that they understand why these media influences are toxic. Parents, let us each prayerfully consider how our media choices are affecting our kids and focus on counteracting the lie that premarital sex is inevitable. I know you’ll agree with me that there’s no movie, TV show, or radio station that’s worth compromising our kids’ view of sexual purity and premarital abstinence.

If you think about it, no matter what avenue of communication technological advances make possible, mankind quickly finds a way to use it for perversion. Radio, TV, magazines . . . need I mention the Internet? Even when beepers were the rave for a short time in the 90s, sexual themes managed to surface. I recall a young man in my high school science class proudly announcing that someone sent the word “BOOBS” to his beeper; the digits 80085 appeared to spell out the word.

It’s no surprise then that with the current texting craze, along came “sexting.” For the 14% of our poll participants who do not know what “sexting” is, it is when people distribute sexually graphic images or statements (texts) via cell phone. Recent polls give conflicting information, some concluding a small minority of teens have actually engaged in “sexting” while other reports claim more than one in four students have either sent or received sexually-based material on their cell phones. For more facts and figures, follow this link: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/34422197/ns/technology_and_science-tech_and_gadgets/from/ET

While I am not sure of the actual “sexting” percentages among teens, my nephew, an eighth grade middle school student, says it is not uncommon at his school for boys to pass around their cell phones and encourage others to check out the pornographic pictures on the screen. He stressed that these pictures are not just bathing suit shots; they are nude images of females engaging in graphic sexual acts.

I agree with the 71% of our poll participants; we most certainly need to be concerned about this trend. Although there are a variety of reasons to be concerned, I will address two. For one, societies that embrace casual sex ultimately come to ruin. Perhaps that sounds a bit extreme, but in all seriousness, history shows us that once a society rejects sexual boundaries and revels in perversion, in time, the people suffer great loss (the city of Pompeii comes to mind). This happens for two reasons: (a) casual sex leads to unstable family units, and a society is only as strong as its families; (b) God will not bless and protect a nation of people who idolize sexual lasciviousness (1 Corinthians 10:8).

The second “sexting” concern is that young people are seriously degrading themselves. Girls are sending nude self portraits to their boyfriends, only to find they get passed around the entire school and perhaps land on the Internet. Young men are soliciting sex, and being solicited, via text messages, reducing the sacredness of sex to trite abbreviations. Even when “sexting” does not involve students, but rather, images of porn stars, exposure to such sexually perverse material majorly damages the way a person esteems physical intimacy and regards the opposite sex.

So what can parents do? For one, don’t assume your son or daughter is not participating in “sexting.” You have a right to scroll through your child’s text messages and cell phone images whenever you want. More importantly (and far more effectively), take time to talk with your child regularly about why sex is sacred and how “sexting,” along with all other forms of pornography and perversion, ultimately leads to heartache and a lack of sexual fulfillment.

If you need help facilitating these discussions, consider using my book as a resource—Choosing To Wait: A Guide to Inspiring Abstinence.

I'd say she's a little on the pretty side; wouldn't you?

Did Tiger Woods cheat on his wife? Based on his official statement issued on December 2, it certainly appears that he did. I don’t think I’m alone in saying that Woods’ infidelity exposes a seemingly odd reality. Have you seen his wife? She’s absolutely beautiful! Then again, so are Christie Brinkley, Elizabeth Hurley, Halle Berry, and Shania Twain. These women have been branded some of the most beautiful females in the world, and yet they’ve all been cheated on by their husbands or boyfriends.

How can this happen?  You would think any man would be so grateful to have a romantic relationship with one of these drop-dead-beautiful women that he would have absolutely no reason to seek out another lover. Yet it happens all of the time, in Hollywood and in households all over the world.

For all of those women out there who are killing themselves to look like the ladies in the magazines in hopes of keeping their husband’s interest, you might want to take a cookie break and consider the fact that beauty does not satisfy a lustful man. So what does? Well, simply stated, nothing. A man who is given to lust is never satisfied. He will never get his fill of sex or sexual partners because lust, by its very nature, is insatiable.

In case you’re wondering what exactly I mean when I use the word “lust,” I’m referring to a man whose sexual appetite is out of balance, and he can no longer simply appreciate a woman’s beauty. The sight of an attractive woman sends his mind reeling with sexual images and intense physical desires.  He may be subconsciously motivated by the erroneous idea that “conquering” a female sexually indicates he’s more of a man. Then again, for many men the root of the problem is a pornography addiction. No man who is into pornography is capable of viewing attractive women without lustful intent.

No matter the internal motivation, a man operating in lust is not able to love his wife because lust is the antithesis to love. Lust destroys love. Furthermore, since God is love (1 John 4:8), the only true remedy for lust is a personal, meaningful, authentic relationship with Christ. I’m not talking about just going to church and singing hymns. I’m talking about having a connection with God that’s so real that a man can’t bring himself to click on a pornographic online pop-up because he knows it would grieve his heavenly Father.

There have been times my husband did not know I was in the room when a commercial came on with seductive women in skimpy lingerie. Words cannot express how much it means to me that he changed the channel of his own volition and that he continually resists the ever-present urge to yield to lust. In those moments, I truly feel loved, respected, and secure.

As I’m writing this blog, I am seven months pregnant and feeling as big as an NFL linebacker; needless to say, I don’t feel like I’m in my “prime” as far as attractiveness goes. But since my husband is committed to loving me the way 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 describes love, I am not overwhelmed with anxiety or fear that he’s going to chase after another woman.

What a priceless gift for a man to give his spouse. What a tragedy that not every woman gets to experience that.

Adam Lambert

Whereas many people fear having to articulate themselves by speaking in public, for reasons I do not entirely understand, my frustration lies in NOT having opportunities to speak up and be heard. This week, my frustration was evoked, not just by Adam Lambert’s American Music Awards (AMA) performance, but by things I heard him say in subsequent interviews.

As you likely already know, Adam Lambert won first runner up in the last season of American Idol and recently took the stage at the AMA. According to Lambert, his performance was motivated by a desire for equality – if women can have sexual themes in their performances, why can’t men? He went “above and beyond” to accomplish his mission and included elements of bondage, oral sex, some oh-so-romantic genital groping, and to top off his routine, he and another man exchanged what I would call a gnarly kiss. The response to Adam’s display was mixed. Many people were appalled and disgusted while others celebrated his originality and willingness to take risks. My reaction was something else entirely. I wished, more than anything, I could sit down and talk to the guy because I have some genuine questions I would like him to answer:

• For starters Adam, when asked if you feel regret about having exposed our nation’s children and youth to such blatant sexual themes, your response was, “I’m not a babysitter; I’m a performer.” Did it ever dawn on you that it was those same “babies” who voted for you on American Idol and made stardom possible for you in the first place? Have you no concern for them now?
• Does the word “performer” mean you can use your celebrity influence however you want without any concern as to how you are impacting our country’s young people? What is your responsibility to your fans and our nation?
• In your performance, you dressed like a man, wore more make up than a pageant girl, grabbed a female between the legs, then exchanged a sloppy wet kiss with a man. What exactly are you trying to communicate to your audience about manhood and sex?

Adam's 2009 AMA Performance

When questioned in interviews about his offensive performance, Adam does what comes natural to every preteen – he names other artists who have explicit lyrics and have been sexually graphic on stage (“I thought it was okay mom because Johnny did it too!”) Despite Adam’s attempts to brand himself as an industry trendsetter, he obviously clings to a follower’s mentality.

Perhaps you’re reading this and thinking, “Wait a minute blogger lady! You’re being mean!”  To that I say that it’s time someone confront celebrities like Adam Lambert who get rich off of America’s youth yet walk around with the attitude that what happens to them as a result of his influence “isn’t his problem.” His AMA performance glorified casual sex, promiscuity, and perversion – the very things that are devastating our nation’s teenagers.

Adam expresses gratitude for his newfound fame and influence.

If only Adam could have been with me last week when I sat across from high school students who recently gave birth to babies. Maybe that would shed some light on how “cool” casual sex can be. Then again, I guess it’s not his problem. After all, he’s just a performer.

Last week’s opinion poll on my website presented the question, Should a couple wait until marriage to have sex? 79% of the poll participants said yes, a couple should wait, but then again, my site tends to attract those with purity-related values. I have a feeling if I polled a more neutral group, the results would be different.

Let’s face it. Our society, as a whole, has rejected the notion that sex should be reserved for marriage. As a matter of fact, the concept of marriage is now considered old fashioned by many. The ironic thing about this is that nothing good is coming from these modern trends. Our society is plagued by unwanted pregnancies, unstable relationships, and broken families, and while our culture scoffs at sexual boundaries, we’re drowning in the consequences of having rejected them.

I have so much to say on this topic that I wrote a book about it and then wrote a companion book. I said that to say that I can’t possibly address this issue to the degree that I would like to in the form of a blog. What I can do is share a quick story that will shed light on the topic.

A few days ago, my six-year-old daughter was getting dressed for school, and she put on a shirt that has a vest sown onto it (she looked adorable – an important fact that should not be overlooked). Anyway, I noticed that the vest had become twisted on one side, so I asked my daughter to take the shirt off so I could fix it . . . and so the test of my patience and commitment to Christ-like living began!

The vest is stitched to the shirt at the shoulders and waist, so I began pulling the shirt through the vest to try and untwist it. I realize my description may be a bit confusing, but if you could have seen me, you would understand that I was turning the shirt inside out, upside down, throwing it to the floor, chunking it at the ceiling, and pulling my hair out trying to get that dang vest untwisted! My daughter offered to simply go put on a different shirt, but no way! I wasn’t going to accept defeat! Her oatmeal got lukewarm in the beeping microwave as the minutes passed while I attempted to solve the fabric Rubik’s Cube from “you-know-where.”

About the time I was tempted to shred the shirt and go buy a new one, I offered up a short but sincere prayer, “Lord, help me.” Within seconds I made an embarrassing observation. The buttons on the vest were not just attached for decoration; they were actual buttons. All I had to do was unbutton the vest, untwist the one side, and then button it again. (Let’s just say that humiliation comes in many forms.)

Believe it or not, in looking back at that silly wrestling match with a kids’ size 6 shirt, I realize that this scenario often plays out in our lives in ways that are much more serious than a twisted article of clothing. As it pertains to sex and relationships, there are myriads of young people and singles out there struggling to “untwist” dysfunctional, dead-end romantic relationships. Even though God’s plan for cultivating healthy, lasting love relationships with the opposite sex is plainly explained in the Bible, we often ignore His wisdom and continue to battle our way through relationships doing things our way rather than God’s way (this, of course, includes the decision to engage in premarital sex). The unfortunate end result of ignoring God’s instructions is frustration and defeat.

The next time you face a struggle, whether it is sexual temptation, relational turmoil, or an unexpected episode of road rage, don’t forget to turn to God and seek His direction and intervention. After all, His commandments are for our own good, and following them ultimately makes life much easier and fulfilling.

After a brief break to tweak the website and advance our communication tools, we now have a much more interactive site in place. I am thrilled at the idea of having two-way conversations through our online avenues! As you can see, we have links to our new facebook and twitter pages along the top of the site.

As of this week, I am sending out weekly opinion polls to get people thinking and discussing issues surrounding purity and Biblical concepts, and will use the results of the polls to inspire upcoming blogs. I will also be sending out an e-newsletter soon with great tips, encouragement, and facts for parents. The best way to ensure you receive the weekly opinion poll and/or the e-newsletter is to join our facebook page or twitter following. It is my hope that all of these efforts equate to spreading the “naked truth about sex, purity, and relationships.”

Please keep our efforts in your prayers, and let us know how we can be praying for you as well! Thank you and God bless!

I read a blog today where a lady suggested that we’re under-emphasizing abortion as a needed solution to the high teen pregnancy rates.  WHAT??  It’s time we start talking about the real issue with teen pregnancy: sex is loosing its sacredness in our culture and therefore, young people are scoffing at boundaries regarding sex (i.e. waiting until marriage).  Keep in mind, sex without boundaries destroys a society because it undermines family, the very backbone of our country.

“Pro-choicers” cry out for women’s right to choose but conveniently fail to talk about our responsibility to make wise choices in regard to when and with whom we choose to have sex.  Wasn’t it Theodore Roosevelt who pointed out that a society is in trouble when it demands its rights over its responsibilities?

In the blog I read this morning, the author elects to encourage young women to end human life rather than inspiring them to consider the benefits of sexual prudence and discretion to begin with.  As I see it, the heart of the problem isn’t unwanted babies; it’s men and women who have sex and then gasp when the reproduction cycle actually works!  Please don’t think I’m throwing stones at teens who get pregnant;  I just grow weary of society’s refusal to talk about the REAL problem:  We don’t want boundaries for sex, but we don’t want consequences either.

And what does it say about a society when human life is so often deemed a consequence?

"It's so cool to drink and drive!"

Just after midnight on New Year’s Eve, my husband and I heard a loud crash, which  I assumed was some off-the-chain firework.  My husband knew it was something else.  We ran outside only to find that three doors down from us, a teenager ran his new truck through our neighbor’s house – literally through their house!   We arrived on the scene before the police and in the midst of the total chaos, I spent some time talking to the young inebriated driver.  His face went through the windshield and was dripping with blood, but he kept telling me he was fine.  I finally talked him into sitting down, and in those few minutes before the cops and EMT arrived, we talked about the tragedy that just occurred.  Miraculously no one was seriously hurt, which truly is a miracle when you consider that he ran over my neighbor’s living room couch – had they been downstairs watching TV, they would have been crushed (He drove almost all the way to the back of the house and then slammed the truck into reverse, stalling in the front yard).

You know I’m going to tie this into abstinence somehow, right?  The lesson here is that young people  sometimes dismiss civil laws such as “don’t drink and drive” as being unreasonable and unnecessary.  (Guess grown-ups do too.)  Unfortunately we usually learn the hard way that such laws are for our own good.  And so it is with God’s laws – they are not about restricting our fun but about protecting us from tragedy and pain.  When God says sex is reserved for marriage, He has our best interest at heart.

As I sat with the trembling boy, he repeatedly mentioned how terrified he was to tell his parents what he had done and feared losing his college scholarship.  I didn’t think that was a good time to inform him that he was also going to lose his driver’s license and spend his New Year’s in the slammer.  As serious of a crime as he had committed, I found myself feeling compassionate toward him.  I know what it’s like to mess up.  And I have a huge weak spot for teenagers for some reason – I guess it’s a God-thing!

More pics . . .(scroll down)

This used to be the dining room.

Damages are estimated at over $100,000.

Ummm . . . that's not a garage.

A few months ago, my family and I went to a fellow church member’s house for a get-together. I was eating a yummy taco and enjoying a friendly conversation with a man whom I didn’t know very well. As we were talking at the kitchen table and getting acquainted with one another, a family pet—a fluffy dog named Harley—started sniffing one of the couch pillows a few feet away from us. We kept talking but found ourselves increasingly focused on the dog. Without any real warning (not sure what that warning would have been, actually) Harley started . . . well . . . let’s just say he was attempting to mate with the pillow!

Right when I thought the situation could not get any more awkward, the man I’d been talking to, obviously just as at a loss for words as I was, turned to me and blurted out, “What’s that dog doing?”

Avoiding eye contact at all costs, I replied, “Umm . . . he’s . . . well, I think . . . he might be . . . uh . . .” And with that, I got up and went into the kitchen for more ice—not because I needed more ice in my cup, mind you, but because that was the only way I could think of to bail out of the situation. Well, it was that or pretend to choke on a piece of taco meat, but since I didn’t want to attract a lot of attention to myself, I went with the “more ice” maneuver.

When we witness the not-so-romantic “sniff and pursue” mating rituals of animals (I’m grateful it was just a pillow), one might could assume that sex is nothing more than a physical act necessary for reproduction. Since sexual desire is an instinct we all have, we may conclude that, like dogs, we should just indulge our physical cravings whenever we have the opportunity.

This is the basic notion Hollywood conveys—we’re all just helpless victims of our sexual instincts and animalistic desires. Sex then becomes about as sacred as an experience at the grocery store self check-out register; no need for a personal connection—just give me what I came for and I’ll be on my way!

The last time I checked, however, God is calling mankind to a higher standard than the animal kingdom. We’re not to eat our babies like gerbils often do or throw poo at people who stare at us (I personally witnessed a gorilla with an exceptional pitching arm do that very thing).

Unlike animals, we are to make decisions based on what is loving, just, healthy, and moral, which pretty much rules out the idea of sniffing around and mating with anyone whose scent appeals to us.

So we know our standards for pursing a sexual relationship should surpass that of dogs, but where do we go from there? How should we make up our minds about what is and isn’t permissible when it comes to sex? There’s only one legitimate place to turn for answers—to the One who invented sex!

That’s right, God created sex.

Think about it. Our bodies are skillfully designed to make intercourse possible. It’s not a coincidence that male and female anatomies “fit together” and can create life. And if God created sex, shouldn’t we seek to know what He has to say about it? Moreover, doesn’t He have the right to tell us how our sexuality should and should not be used?

Believe it or not, God’s ingenious plan for sex is clearly explained in the Bible, though it does require some careful study and thought. And that’s where I come in! I love helping young people and parents see the beauty of God’s design for human sexuality.

I look forward to sharing various ideas with you along those lines in these blogs. In the meantime, check out the rest of the site and please share your thoughts below! I love feedback!