Brian and Erin Wood's baby is due November 5, 2010

Last Friday, a former Houstonian, 33-year-old Brian Wood, and his 31-year-old pregnant wife Erin were on their way to a family member’s house in Whidbey Island in Washington State.  An oncoming SUV suddenly crossed into their lane, leaving Brian just seconds to decide how to maneuver his vehicle.  Realizing that a head-on collision would likely seriously injure or kill his wife and unborn baby, Brian selflessly turned the steering wheel so that he took the brunt of the impact.  As a result of his heroic decision, his wife suffered only minor injuries, and his baby is fine.  Tragically however, Brian did not survive the crash (click here for the full story).

Brian Wood loved the Lord and is most certainly at peace in heaven with Jesus, yet the obvious magnitude of this loss is devastating for those he leaves behind.  In the midst of indescribable grief, Erin remarked, “(the baby is due) November 5, so it will come quick, and then I look forward to seeing little glimpses of Brian in our baby, and that gives me a lot of strength right now.”

Brian’s child will someday discover what a loving, brave father he or she had.  Nonetheless, Brian will never have the opportunity to embrace or speak to his child in this life.

Parents, let this tragic situation remind us that each day with our children is a gift.   Furthermore, while we may tend to put off conversations about faith, Biblical principles, and important life lessons, think how much it would mean to Brian if he could have just one of those discussions with his child.  Think how much it would mean to his child someday to glean even a few words of wisdom from Dad.

Inspiration for Parents

I think nearly all of us, as parents, would die for our kids.  I also think the daily demands of life have a way of engulfing our good intentions, causing us to miss opportunities to spend quality time with our kids and invest in their spiritual maturity.  We erroneously comfort ourselves by saying, “I’ll have that talk with my son soon,” “We’ll start having family nights next semester,” or “I’ll pray regularly with my kids when things slow down a bit.”

If procrastination or apathy is somehow plaguing us as parents, and we are putting off things until tomorrow that need to be addressed or expressed today, let us think of Brian and, by God’s grace, determine to take action.  As we do this, we help bring some good out of Brian’s passing.

One third of U.S. teen boys report feeling addicted to video games.

While pornography addictions remain at the top of the list for driving a relational wedge between husbands and wives, there’s a relatively new addiction that is now dealing a deathblow to marriages.  Believe it or not, masses of couples are discovering that video game addictions can destroy the intimacy and teamwork vital for maintaining a healthy, fulfilling marriage.

I have handed Kleenex tissues to one lady after another while she describes how her husband spends hours a day playing video games, not only leaving her with almost all of the responsibility of tending to the kids but also creating intense loneliness and dissatisfaction within the relationship.

Why Do Some Men Like Video Games So Much?

The majority of men thrive on competition because it provides an opportunity to overcome and win, thus affirming their manhood and personal sense of self worth.  That said, video games are the ideal outlet to compete.  They often entail heroic scenarios, allowing a man to win a bloody war, defeat a wicked enemy, or save the planet from seemingly immanent destruction.  They are also entertaining and fun.  For this reason, many men prefer to escape the stresses and demands of everyday life by playing an exciting video game.  And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that – unless, of course, a man’s video gaming becomes so frequent and excessive that he begins to neglect his family and household responsibilities.

What Can Parents Do?

Parents, lets teach our sons how to have balance when it comes to video games.  For example, make sure he always does his chores before playing video games, thus later in life he will have the self discipline to take care of his family responsibilities before plopping down on the couch to play games.  Also, limit the amount of time he plays every day.  Encourage him to recreate outside or pursue other interests.  He needs to know that too much of anything – especially video games – is not healthy.  Finally, as our sons become teens, let’s talk frankly about how out of balance video gaming can become a source of pain for his wife someday and seriously take its toll on his marriage and family.

What About You, Dad?

Dad, are you modeling the proper balance for your son?  Lead by example when it comes to video gaming, not only in how much time you spend playing but also in the games you choose to play.  Killing innocent civilians, abusing women, and committing criminal acts of destruction are not okay simply because they take place in a game. (Link to information about how violent video games affect kids)

Closing Prayer

Father, please help my household to honor You with our entertainment decisions, especially as it pertains to video games.  Show my family how to have balance, and reveal it to us if gaming is somehow taking its toll on us.  Give us the grace we need to change as You see fit and the obedience to follow through with Your instructions.  In Jesus’ name, amen.

My husband sent me a fantastic article today about Hollywood’s unrealistic portrayal of teen pregnancy.  Since I could not have said it any better myself, I am simply referring readers to click here and read the article for themselves.

Only 35% of couples who live together eventually get married.

Why get married when you can just move in together? More so than ever, this seems to be the prevailing attitude of many couples today.  Perhaps they want to avoid the turmoil associated with the risk of divorce.  Then again, they may consider marriage to be a useless ritual, an old fashioned tradition that modern families need not practice.  Whatever the case, it is estimated that over 4 million couples currently live together outside of wedlock; that’s eight times as many as in 1970 (source).

While there are a variety of potential pitfalls associated with cohabitation, a recent Houston-area tragedy exemplifies one major risk.  On May 26, Deer Park resident Donny Pearson was arrested for sexually assaulting a 23-month-old girl.  His young victim was his live-in girlfriend’s daughter.  Research – along with a good dose of common sense – indicates that the risk of child molestation increases when single moms invite their boyfriends to move in.  While there are certainly cases when a child’s biological father is sexually abusive, it is more likely for a man to molest someone else’s children, especially when welcomed to live in the same house.

Those who choose to cohabitate may argue that a flashy ring, expensive wedding dress, and tasty groom’s cake are all frivolous and useless as it pertains to the health and  long term stability of romantic relationships.  To that any reasonable person would have to agree.  But two lives joined together through an unwavering commitment to honor the Lord’s standards and love for a lifetime – for better or worse – is hardly frivolous.  If such a commitment includes diamonds, designer gowns, and mouthwatering groom’s cake, so be it.

When deciding what level of commitment to enter into with the opposite sex, it is of the utmost importance that we consider what is best for our kids – those born and those yet to be born to us.  Not surprisingly, the Biblical plan for love and marriage is designed to provide children with the best possible family environment – one where Mom and Dad are joined as inseparable helpmates for life through the sanctity of marriage (Malachi 2:15).

People either loved or hated ABC’s TV series Lost.  For those who have spent the last six years living for Tuesday nights, eager to catch the latest episode of the mysterious show, last Sunday was bitter sweet.  Fans finally witnessed the conclusion of the always suspenseful saga, but they also bid farewell to the beloved cast.  It was the much anticipated final episode of Lost.

As most fans already know, Jimmy Kimmel had key cast members on his show following the last episode of Lost.  In an attempt to make sense of significant themes and underlying concepts woven throughout the Lost storyline, Jimmy made the following statement in a discussion with Matthew Fox, known as Jack on the show:

“In a lot of religions, Christianity being one of them, the idea is that life is a test.  That you go through your life, and if you’re good, you go to heaven or nirvana, or whatever, and if you’re bad, you don’t.  You go to hell or you don’t go anywhere.”

Jimmy is not alone in his misguided understanding of Christian foundations.  It seems many Americans understand Christianity to be just like other religions, one where we must strive to earn salvation through a series of good, moral works.  The idea is that, upon death, God will weigh our good works against our bad on some heavenly scale, and if our good works – and good intentions – out-weigh the bad, we will be welcomed into heaven.  Even a brief look at Christ’s biblical words, however, destroys such a notion.  Jesus expains that there are none good but the Father [God] (Mark 10:18), and that He did not come to the earth to save those that consider themselves righteous, but those that acknowledge their sinfulness (Matthew 9:13).

The very thing that sets Christianity apart from every other world religion is that we’re not trying to earn our salvation!  We recognize that the earned consequences of sin is death (Romans 6:23), both physical and spiritual, and we can’t pay that price tag, hence, Christ had to pay it for us by dying on the cross.

The idea that Christianity involves earning one’s right standing with God is not only incorrect, but a grave accusation against Christ’s sacrifice.  Didn’t Jesus cry out to God and ask that if there be any other way to save humanity, He please spare him the suffering of the cross (Matthew 26:39)?  And, despite Christ’s heartfelt prayer, didn’t God send Christ to the cross anyway?  God’s response to Christ’s prayer is obvious -  No Son, there is no other way for humanity to be saved.

My husband likes to say it like this: “If I’m a good person, and you’re a good person, why did Christ have to die?”

We all come from different walks of life and have failed God’s righteous standards one way or another.  But the one thing we have in common is that we all need a Savior. Furthermore, we don’t erase wrong doing by trying to do good things; that doesn’t even work in our earthly justice system.  Right standing with God is something we receive by grace through faith when we quit trying to cover up our sin and instead repent for it and ask God to save us through Christ’s sacrifice.

God saved you by his special favor when you believed.  And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. Ephesians 2:8

Rachel Scott died on April 20, 1999, after admitting she believed in God.

While all scripture is viable and important, Romans 10:9 stands out as a key passage because it sheds light on how one receives salvation,  . . . if you confess with your mouth that “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.

What does the word believe really mean in that context?  Are we to believe in Jesus the same way children believe in Santa or some people believe in aliens?  The following story not only brings wonderful clarification as to the implications of believing in Christ, but it is ideal for explaining faith and belief to children of all ages, including teenagers.

The Story

A crowd of curious onlookers gathered below high rise apartments amazed at what they saw.  A skinny rope stretched clear from one building to another 60 stories above the unforgiving pavement.   Looking down at the talkative crowd, Tim-the-Tightrope-Walker prepared to make his way across without the reassurance of a safety net.  In addition to getting himself across the chasm without loosing his balance, he had a heavy wheelbarrow to haul as well.

Just seconds before he took his first step, Tim shouted to the crowd, “How many of you believe I will make it across with this wheelbarrow?”  Hundreds of hands flew up in the air, along with supportive cheers, affirming their belief that he would successfully walk the tightrope.  The enthusiastic crowd came to a silent halt, however, when Tim posed one more question; “Who is willing to ride in the wheelbarrow while I walk across?”  The masses of once lifted hands now lay glued at people’s sides as they contemplated the horror of his request.

The Moral of the Story

It’s easy to say we believe in something until we are asked to put our lives on the line for that belief.  With this in mind, the kind of belief described in Romans 10:9  transcends merely believing that Christ existed.  According the Greek translation of that scripture, we are to put our confidence and trust in Christ.  We are to get into the wheelbarrow!

While our minds may be inclined to doubt at times, warranting that we dig into apologetics and prayer for answers, we are called to entrust our lives to Christ, even when our comfort zone is threatened.  Thank God for young people like Rachel Scott and the millions of others who have stared death squarely in the face and boldly said, I believe.

What does Miley Cyrus’ new music video, Can’t Be Tamed, convey to her countless elementary-age, adolescent, and teen female fans?  Unfortunately the same pathetic message nearly all young female vocalists broadcast to today’s young women – being sexy and promiscuous is the ultimate feminine achievement.

75% of teen girls, ages 15 to 19, agree that society tells girls that attracting boys and acting sexy are some of the most important things girls can do (thenationalcampaign.org).

According to Miley, “This video isn’t about being sexy or who can wear less clothes . . .”

Excuse me, Miley; you feel the need to say that, why?  Oh, because that’s the impression everyone gets when they see your video?  I understand.  Please continue . . .

“It’s about explaining the song and living the lyrics . . . I don’t want to be in a cage.  I want to be free and do what I love.”

And therein lies the problem, Miles.  Unless you love STDs and caring for a baby while struggling to finish your high school education, your video conveys some serious contradictions. Do you really want to live out your song lyrics and “. . . go through guys like money flyin’ out their hands”?

I truly feel sorry for Miley.  She wants to be free but has instead become enslaved to Hollywood’s one-and-only money making agenda – “Let’s shed the innocent image and make her into a sex symbol!”  How very original.  No one saw that coming.

Where is Miley’s dad in all of this?  Surely his “achy breaky heart” is grieved over his 17-year-old daughter’s bondage-style, pole slithering performance.

Parents, Act Now

Mom and Dad, take some time tonight and enjoy an engaging conversation with your daughter about the toxic message spewing from Miley Cyrus’ new song and video.  Explain how even the first few lyrics of the song are degrading to a young woman’s self worth, not to mention a complete contradiction of a Biblical worldview:

I have to get my way, 24 hours a day, ’cause I’m hot like that.  Every guy everywhere just gives me mad attention, like I’m under inspection, I always get the 10s, cause I’m built like that.”

In light of the bold print statistic featured in the second paragraph above, encourage your daughter that there are far more important things she can focus on and achieve in life other than trying to look sexy and attract guys.  Let her know she’s a treasure, not a target for men’s lust.  Then say a prayer for Miley.  After all, she’s just a teenager herself.

A recent CNN article posed the question, Is monogamy realistic? The article expounds on the difficulty associated with remaining loyal to one mate for life and casually points to serial monogamy as a viable option – monogamy with one lover after another from one season of life to the next.  However, even serial monogamy is viewed as too restrictive by some, at which point the concept of open marriage is explored, also known as polyamory.  Furthermore, Newsweek reports that researchers believe there are currently more than half a million polyamory families in the United States.

The article’s author, A. Pawlowski, introduces readers to a man named Mark who prefers to keep his last name anonymous.  Mark and his wife practice open marriage and enjoy dating other people, having casual sex with a limitless number of partners, and even “falling in love” on occasion – all the while staying married to each other.  Mark comments that while some men might be bothered by the site of their wife on a date with another man, it doesn’t bother him a bit.  How thoughtful, right ladies?

Well, there’s good news for you, Mark-who-prefers-to-stay-anonymous, and anyone else who would suggest that our culture exchange martial faithfulness for a lifetime of promiscuity.  You are not alone in your philosophy!  Believe it or not, there are billions who would agree with you.  Wait a minute . . . there goes a fellow supporter now.  He’s squatting and defecating in my lawn.  That’s right; every dog in the world shares your same approach to love and commitment.  They sniff; they mate; they move on.

A wise man once said, “There’s a high price for low living.”  As society rejects sexual boundaries and scoffs at the sacredness of marriage, who will come along and “scoop up” the inevitable messes such as unwanted pregnancies, broken homes, emotionally wounded children, and rampant STDs, just to name a few?  And how is it that even dogs eventually connect bad behavior with consequences, but a large portion of our society seems to increasingly reject family values, even as the consequences mount?

Of course it’s not easy to stay married to the same person for life because it requires that a man and woman love their mate more than themselves.  Furthermore, the notion of loving anything more than self is steadily becoming un-American.

Sheryl Crow sings this generation’s anthem: “If it makes you happy, it can’t be that bad.”   Oh, but it can be that bad, Sheryl.  When our sexual standards are no better than that of the family pet, it’s that bad.

Nearly one out of every two high school students is sexually active. (Kaiser Family Foundation)

Imagine boarding an airplane, fastening your seat belt, then hearing the captain make the following announcement:  “Welcome aboard!  We have a 98% chance of successfully arriving at our destination today.”  Do you regret boarding the plane at that point?  Even though a 2% risk is a low percentage, it might not be low enough given what’s at stake.

As a means of comparison, the obvious problem with the Safe Sex approach is that it is 98% effective against pregnancy, meaning that for every one hundred teen couples who use condoms correctly and consistently, two will still be confronted with an unplanned pregnancy.  Furthermore, federal drug regulators found that latex condoms are “highly effective” at preventing HIV, gonorrhea, chlamydia, trichomoniasis, and hepatitis B, but noted that condoms seem to be less effective against genital herpes, human papillomavirus, syphilis, and chancroid.

There are additional pitfalls associated with a Safe Sex approach.  Consider the following:

Young people aren’t exactly known for their forethought and preparedness. In order for condoms to be 98% effective, they must be used every time a young person has sex.  This presents a problem since a sexually active teenager will likely encounter unplanned opportunities to have sex and may not have a condom.

There are numerous ways to misuse a condom. Even when young people do use condoms, it’s fairly easy to significantly compromise the effectiveness by failing to use them properly.

Some teenagers don’t want to be “safe.” The Safe Sex platform is derived out of the factual notion that unprotected sex is risky.  In actuality, this message has the potential to provoke those teens who want to be labeled anything but “safe.”

Many teenagers are convinced the consequences will never happen to them. Safe Sex fear tactics fail to be effective against the masses of teenagers who conclude, “Those bad things will never happen to me,” a naive yet prevalent belief commonly held among young people throughout the ages.

Condoms don’t protect against feelings of shame and regret. Despite Hollywood’s often shallow portrayal, there’s more to sex than physical contact.  Furthermore, many young people struggle with painful emotions after having sex with someone whom they share no long term commitment.  Simply put, condoms don’t protect the human heart.

A Fair Conclusion

Obviously if young people are going to be sexually active, it’s best that they use birth control and condoms.  Having said that, the Safe Sex approach presents a shallow view of sex by conveying the notion that as long as a young person does not get pregnant or catch a disease, sex with whomever, whenever is perfectly acceptable.  In this way it seems the Safe Sex message is incomplete, offering young people an explanation of “how to,” but failing to address “why” and “Is it worth it?”

The truth is that as long as sex is viewed as commonplace, void of all sacredness, a society will always suffer consequences, whether teenagers wear condoms or not.

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Know someone who needs to take this quiz?  Copy the URL from your web browser and e-mail it to him or her!

SECTION ONE:

Write down the number of the statement if you and the person you’re dating . . .

1.  Have fun together most of the time.
2. Each enjoy spending time separately, with your own friends, as well as with each other’s friends.
3. Always feel safe with each other.
4. Trust each other.
5. Are faithful to each other (if you have made this commitment).
6. Support each other’s individual goals in life, like ministry, education, or career goals.
7. Respect each other’s opinions, even when they are different.
8. Solve conflicts without putting each other down, cursing at each other, or making threats
9. Both accept responsibility for own actions.
10. Both apologize when wrong.
11. Both have decision-making power in the relationship.
12. Are proud to be with each other.
13. Encourage each other’s interests like sports and leisure activities.
14. Have some privacy—letters, journals, and personal phone calls are respected as one’s own.
15. Have close friends and relatives who are happy about your relationship.
16. Never feel like you’re being pressured for sex.
17. Always allow each other “space” when you need it.
18. Always treat each other with respect.

SECTION TWO:

Write down the number of the statement if one of you . . .

1. Gets extremely jealous or accuses the other of cheating or wanting to cheat.
2. Puts the other down by calling names, cursing, or making the other feel bad about him or herself.
3. Yells or speaks in harsh tones.
4. Doesn’t take the other person, or things that are important to him/her, seriously.
5. Doesn’t listen when the other talks.
6. Frequently criticizes the other’s friends or family.
7. Pressures the other for sex.
8. Has ever threatened to hurt the other or commit suicide if the other leaves.
9. Cheats or threatens to cheat.
10. Is into pornography.
11. Tells the other how to dress.
12. Is opposed to, or makes fun of, the other’s spiritual commitment or involvement with church.
13. Acts one way at church but another way outside of church.
14. Has ever grabbed, pushed, hit, or physically hurt the other.
15. Blames the other for his/her own behavior (“If you wouldn’t have made me made, I wouldn’t have . . .”)
16. Embarrasses or humiliates the other.
17. Smashes, throws, or destroys things.
18. Tries to keep the other from having commitments and ambitions, such as a job or education goals.
19. Makes all the decisions about what the two of you do.
20. Tries to make the other feel crazy or plays mind games.
21. Goes back on promises and regularly does not keep his/her word.
22. Acts controlling or possessive.
23. Uses alcohol or drugs.
24. Ignores or withholds affection as a way of punishing the other.
25. Depends completely on the other to meet social or emotional needs.
26. Demands to know where the other one is at all times.

CONCLUSION:

Lot’s of numbers from Section One and no numbers from Section Two:

It seems that your relationship has healthy qualities.  If the relationship continues for another three months, take the quiz again and see if the results have changed any.

One or more numbers from Section Two:

You need to immediately seek input from your parents or a qualified caring adult concerning your relationship.  It appears to be lacking the qualities of a healthy relationship and has the potential to be harmful to you.  Please take this warning seriously!  Unhealthy dating relationships are not something to ignore; it will only get worse with time.