MISTAKE #1 – Overbearing Mother: Overbearing, “I wear the pants in the family” attitudes in mothers can affect their sons’ development of same sex attraction. According to Jayson, the way he received his mother’s controlling, domineering parenting style led him to avoid emotional intimacy with females. Subconsciously fearing they too would seek to control him, he would not allow himself to develop “more than friends” feelings for girls.

MISTAKE #2 – Gender Disappointment: Both boys and girls are prone to developing sexual confusion, which can lead to same sex attractions if they sense that their parents longed for a child of the opposite sex and their sex is therefore somehow perceived as a disappointment.

MISTAKE #3 – Men Aren’t Supposed to Be Emotional: We know girls tend to be highly emotional, but some boys are more sensitive than others and have a heightened need for emotional expression and bonding. When this need goes unmet at home—perhaps due to a “strong,” silent, unaffectionate or absentee father figure—pornography can become a highly addictive counterfeit substitute for intimacy. Simply stated, sensitive children (and adults) whose emotional needs are not met are more likely to develop sexual addictions.

MISTAKE #4 – Teasing Won’t Hurt: Do not underestimate the serious damage done by peer hostility and teasing or bullying. Boys who go through puberty later than their classmates or have a small body frame may be perceived as effeminate and can be vulnerable to being called names like faggot, gay or a fairy. Girls with a more masculine, tomboy-like appearance may be called hurtful names as well. These insults often take root in a young person’s mind and cause him or her to conclude that he or she “is gay.” If our kids are being insulted at school, we need to intervene. Ask your child how he or she is being treated by classmates and contact his or her teachers or administrators if necessary.

MISTAKE #5 – Pornography is Innocent Fun: The lust that pornography provokes is the entryway to countless sexual addictions and destructive behaviors. For parents who consider looking at porn an acceptable life stage in a young person’s life, think again! Among the many consequences of exposure to pornography, it has serious negative effects on the brain and can create lust-based conditioning (a la Pavlov’s Dogs) and even fetishes that lead to dangerous, unhealthy lifestyles and harmful sexual patterns. Some dads consider it a rite of passage to introduce their sons to pornography when in reality, it is one of the most unmanly, unloving, selfish and unwise things a father can do.

MISTAKE #6 – Just Stop Looking! It is often the case that once a young person is looking at pornography habitually, he or she cannot simply stop just because we confront and encourage a change in behavior. Since viewing pornography causes chemical reactions and powerful conditioning in the brain, adequate therapy and recovery group support may be needed in order to overcome the addiction, according to research.

MISTAKE #7 – Spiritual and Emotional Parent-Child Disconnect:  Young people instinctively hide illicit behaviors from their parents, especially when the parent-child relationship is distant or based purely on surface-level discussions. We must have ongoing, meaningful spiritual conversations with our kids, model honesty and openness, and admit and repent for our own shortcomings. This transparency assures them that there is nothing they could say or do to cause us not to love them. Ask your child if he or she is having any sex-related struggles and assure him or her that it’s okay to confide in you. Don’t be afraid: it could literally save your child’s life!

Helpful Resources

For a thorough explanation of how we as parents can help safeguard our kids against developing homosexual tendencies, I strongly recommend Don Schmierer’s book An Ounce of Prevention: Preventing the Homosexual Condition in Today’s Youth.

Click here for more information about telephone counseling and group through Jayson Graves’ practice, Healing for the Soul.

For online help and resources regarding how to get victory over pornography addictions, visit BeBroken Ministries.